Hi! I'm finally back after two months of not posting anything. Many things happened, actually, during these two months and I would really wanna share them. Some good, some bad, they have been haunting me for awhile now. Let's get started.
SO... School has started for me! YAY haha. Just to let you know that I've decided to continue my diploma for Vet Bioscience in the end. I guess, I'll decide whether I'll pursue as a vet or I'll want to join the music industry after I've graduated! Not only that, I know it's kind of saddening, I've failed one of my modules last year and I have to repeat it this semester. Everything just went upside down for me, new class, new people, new friends, new environment. Even with all these obstacles, I have to try, to fit in, to be a part of the new classes and cliques of friends. Nothing is easy at first, I had trouble trying to get close to everyone because most of them already have their bunch of friends and I was just like an outcast. The worst of all was project works, uncertain questions, everything seems so different. I used to have Tricia and Amber, always there helping me but now I have to be and grow to be more independent, learn to help myself and not depend on my friends. I guess, that's a good thing huh? To learn to grow.
School is one thing. CCA is another. Grandioso ended, after all the hardwork everyone had put into and it was successful. However, a lot happened in between and even now. I've only opened up to a few people. Especially Jonathan , I've complained and flooded him with messages when I'm feeling really upset and down. I'm very grateful to have him as my friend, listening to me, understanding me, cheering on for me. HERE'S MY BIG HEART FOR YOU, JON! <3 You must wondering, what problem(s) do I have when I look perfectly normal on the outside. I bet most people look really okay on the outside but they are actually struggling on the inside, engulfed with frustration and upsetness, having no one to be with them. Do not worry, I'm just like you. Ever since I've joined aca, I've changed a lot. To be honest, I used to be a very cheerful girl, who has way higher self esteem and I was rather optimistic, unlike now. Not to deny, I used to think that I have a really good voice and that I can really sing. However, now, I just feel like I'm useless and worthless and I just want to disappear and not returning anymore. What would you feel if your friends are being praised right in front of you and get nothing, not even a single shit? Yes, I felt like a shit, literally. I'm not saying that I want people to always praise me and give me love, I just want people to understand me and appreciate me, is this really hard? If so, I think I'm better off here. There were instances when I felt like quitting and leaving because it made me really really sad but I still persist on staying. I have friends whom I love here and I really do not want to lose them. What I've decided , is to change to a new group, new friends and I think, most likely that I'll be more appreciated there.
Lesson learnt here is really simple: Do not give up, persist.
