Love who you are, do not let others bring you down.

Hi! I'm finally back after two months of not posting anything. Many things happened, actually, during these two months and I would really wanna share them. Some good, some bad, they have been haunting me for awhile now. Let's get started.

SO... School has started for me! YAY haha. Just to let you know that I've decided to continue my diploma for Vet Bioscience in the end. I guess, I'll decide whether I'll pursue as a vet or I'll want to join the music industry after I've graduated! Not only that, I know it's kind of saddening, I've failed one of my modules last year and I have to repeat it this semester. Everything just went upside down for me, new class, new people, new friends, new environment. Even with all these obstacles, I have to try, to fit in, to be a part of the new classes and cliques of friends. Nothing is easy at first, I had trouble trying to get close to everyone because most of them already have their bunch of friends and I was just like an outcast. The worst of all was project works, uncertain questions, everything seems so different. I used to have Tricia and Amber, always there helping me but now I have to be and grow to be more independent, learn to help myself and not depend on my friends. I guess, that's a good thing huh? To learn to grow.

School is one thing. CCA is another. Grandioso ended, after all the hardwork everyone had put into and it was successful. However, a lot happened in between and even now. I've only opened up to a few people. Especially Jonathan , I've complained and flooded him with messages when I'm feeling really upset and down. I'm very grateful to have him as my friend, listening to me, understanding me, cheering on for me. HERE'S MY BIG HEART FOR YOU, JON! <3 You must wondering, what problem(s) do I have when I look perfectly normal on the outside. I bet most people look really okay on the outside but they are actually struggling on the inside, engulfed with frustration and upsetness, having no one to be with them. Do not worry, I'm just like you. Ever since I've joined aca, I've changed a lot. To be honest, I used to be a very cheerful girl, who has way higher self esteem and I was rather optimistic, unlike now. Not to deny, I used to think that I have a really good voice and that I can really sing. However, now, I just feel like I'm useless and worthless and I just want to disappear and not returning anymore. What would you feel if your friends are being praised right in front of you and get nothing, not even a single shit? Yes, I felt like a shit, literally. I'm not saying that I want people to always praise me and give me love, I just want people to understand me and appreciate me, is this really hard? If so, I think I'm better off here. There were instances when I felt like quitting and leaving because it made me really really sad but I still persist on staying. I have friends whom I love here and I really do not want to lose them. What I've decided , is to change to a new group, new friends and I think, most likely that I'll be more appreciated there. 

Lesson learnt here is really simple: Do not give up, persist.

Family and friends , I love you.

I cannot and really do not know how to express my gratitude to my family and friends, for being so supportive and loving. 

Recently, I have been stressing out and had really bad headache, thinking about my future. "What am I going to do in the future? With just these poor results, where can I go what can I do? Should I change to something else?" I've been asking myself these questions and spending so much time thinking over and over again. Now, I got my results, all except one was fine. For that one module, I have to study another semester, and my results now are not really good, I really feel so discouraged and feel like giving it up. I decided to talk with my mum and brother first, they told me it's my choice. Then I plucked up my courage and told my dad and to be surprise, he was calm, for the first time.

After all these, I just want to tell my family how much I love you all. Thank you for everything that you all have done for me, I'll always remember it. Sarangheyo.

Disappointed

Hey there! To be honest, I just want to take this chance to post about something that I'm very disappointed in myself.

Just to let you all know, I actually do covers for songs and have a youtube account. However, sadly, my videos just do not seem to get support and enough feedbacks. This makes me really upset and I tend to think whether I'm suitable for singing, whether I'm good enough and why people do not like my voice... I've never really gotten to my goal , people used to tell me, "Oh, do some English song covers, it'll definitely get better responses". Well, no, it actually was worse.

Ah, so sorry that I'm actually letting you read about my complaints, I just want to say this and this has always been on my mind for a very long time and now I'm finally feeling better after saying this out. :)

SO, IF YOU GUYS ARE INTERESTED TO HEAR MY COVERS, YOU CAN ACTUALLY VISIT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL : GINGER'S CHANNEL AND SUPPORT, OKAY? :)

Thanks, xoxo.

Addicted

Annyeong, I'm back! Didn't post for the past week 'cause I was kinda busy with some stuffs. I'll keep this post a short one and talk about what I'm addicted to now. 

Dramas
Recently, I've been catching up with some of the korean dramas and I'm really addicted to it now! Aish! Here are some of the shows that I've watched and still watching.

1) You who came from the stars:

This show really made me cry like mad. The main protagonists are Kim Soo Hyun ( I'm currently in love with his acting ) and Jeon Ji-Hyun. The show is about an alien ( KSH ) whom had stayed on Earth for 400 years and then met this famous actress (JJH) and fell in love with her. The scenes really made me cried like a running water pipe and I really liked the ending.

2) Emergency Couple :

Super cute and funny show, starring Choi Jin Hyuk (jahl-seng-gess-uh) and Song Ji Hyo (Cast of Running man, i love her). The show is about this married couple (CJH&SJH) who got divorced after 1 year of marriage and after that finally met after 6 years as intern in a hospital. OH! Not forgetting Lee Pil-Mo whom I find really find adorable and charming. The show is still ongoing and I'm currently at episode 14.

3) Marry Him If You Dare:

Starring Yoon Eun Hye, Lee Dong-Gun, Jung Yong Hwa(MY SARANG) , Oh Jung Se and Go Doo-Shim. I haven't really watched that much yet but I think It's a really interesting show, so please watch it ! :)

4) The Moon that Embraces the Sun:

Starring Kim Soo Hyun ( OH BABY WHY ARE U SO FINE XD, I love the way he cries #best ), Han Ga-In ( OMO, she's really beautiful and I keep remembering her baby fats cheek, so adorable) and other actors: Kim Yoo Jung, Yeo Jin-Goo, Yoon Seung-Ah, Lee Min-ho( I thought it was that lee min ho at first haha), Nam Bo-Ra, Jin Ji-hee, Jeon Mi-Seon ..
This show is nice!!!!! Just nice... o.m.g


Hahaha, yup I guess that's all. After I've watched so many korean dramas, I came to realise that most of the k-dramas have happy endings, like kinda cliche though :/ But the actors actually made me want to continue watching the show , so I ADMIRE THEM BECAUSE OF THAT.

Have a good weekend ahead, everyone!
Kim Soo Hyun : Best Crying Scene (Y)

Not forgetting the favourite scene of the show:

I laughed till my stomach hurts, especially the exercising one. XD

What is love?

Recently, I've been wondering about the true meaning of "love". Here's a definition of it : Love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.It can also be a virtue representing human kindness,compassion, and affection. It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

You must be wondering why I'm so interested to find out about this. The reason is simple, I thought I was in love. Yup! I "thought", which means I come to realize that it was not "love", it was "infatuation" which means that you think that you like a person but the truth is that, you're feeling lonely and desperate to find someone and this makes you think that you're in love. 

So, why does this bother me so much? I was really disgusted by myself, stalking, getting jealous of other girls who interacted with him and even cried for that. Ah, how silly and foolish I must had been ,right? I was even comparing myself with other girls and hoping that I was actually born prettier so that he will even take a look at me as a girl, not just a friend. Pathetic. However, I must say that I'm really lucky to have my two friends, Veron and Shaun who really cheered me up and gave me lots of advices. The most important thing that I've learnt is that "If a guy likes you for your appearance then he is not worth your time and love at all because human will age and grow old and by then we will not look the way we are now and eventually this guy will leave you. Find a guy who will treasure who you are, your personality, your everything."   

In the end, I learnt that that guy that I like actually do not have the same feelings as I have for him and the reasons are " Not pretty and immature " , wow it hurts. For that moment in time, my heart really felt like it was going to burst. It's hard to accept that but it eventually made me stop liking him, totally. His and my reason to not each other. I just want to say to this guy that I do not have any feelings left for you, even if i have, I'll try my best to remove it cause it's just a waste of my time. 

The chat with Veron was really useful. I talked to her about my self-esteem problem and she gave me tips and told me how she herself handle such situations. Right before I slept, I actually told myself something, "I'm going to change for the better, not for him, not for anyone else but for myself. I'm going to be strong and love myself more so that I will not feel lonely, I'm going to treat myself like a princess so that I will not have to long for others to love me and I will always think positively of myself.

I hope this actually helps some of you guys and I hope you all can learn something from this. Here's my blessings for you all. 

Do not cry. Smile cause everyone looks most charming when they smile. 

First.

Ah, I guess this is sort of my "first" post. Nothing much to talk about, just wanted to create a blog and use this as a diary to talk about my life. I can't really remember what to talk about so I guess I'll slowly write them as a new post everyday.
It's the holiday now! For those who do not know me, I'm currently studying in ngee ann polytechnic, pursuing Veterinary Bioscience course. It's been a year already, so I'm actually going to be a year 2 student soon!

Time spent in NP is actually quite fun, I've made new friends, new family , new teachers and some new singing buddies. 

New friends

I'm actually quite lucky to have my current classmates cause they are really sweet people, not like what I've heard from my friends of other courses( Backstabbing, un-cooperative and etc). My friends are actually really helpful in terms of studies and personal matters, I must be really lucky to have met them, no regrets. Talking about studies, I guess I might be the lousiest one in the class, my results are really not that good, those modules that I'm interested in are always those with the lowest credits and I end up getting good grades for those and not the important ones :/ . However, I'm really lucky to have met my two girls, Tricia and Amber, who help me a lot with my stuffs, they are my best friends in class and outside class as well, I guess I'll really die without them! I just want to take this chance to thank them and tell them how much I treasure and love them <3

New family

I guess this family refers to two groups. My CCA mates and my two girls. Just for you to know, I'm actually in NP VOICES (Acapella) now. It's actually a long story but I've came to known a few friends in aca and we're sort of a family now. Having a family is the best part of my life, not saying that I do not have one, but having one in school is really really a blessing. Just to introduce them, the aca clique of mine contains: Kinnon ( whom I call the DAD ), Shaun, Jia Xuan, Liye, Amanda, Jun Hong and Jeremy. Who do i start with, I think I shall go in order?

Kinnon, I met him during our aca practices and when he was still with my senior Jia Hui. I really don't know how we started talking but yeah it just did and it started off with FB chat. I actually felt a little "shy" to talk to him in the first place but grew to like to talk to him. I talked to him mostly about my problems and some personal matters. Then, during our aca concert, during the loft stay, that was when we actually started getting closer. At that point of time, I really find that he's a really caring and matured guy and I can actually talk to him about almost anything! YUP, AND SO WE DID AND NOW WE ARE SO CLOSE THAT NOBODY CAN SEPARATE US HAHAHA,  just kidding. He's currently in the army so I don't really get the chance to actually see him that often but I hope I do. KINNON , YOU MUST JIAYOU OKAY! YOU KNOW THAT I'LL ALWAYS BE AT YOUR BACK! :)

Jia Xuan, I met her during one of the practices also, actually I met all of them during practices so I do not have to repeat my point LOL. Initially, I find it hard to actually get close to her, 'cause she gives me those 'What are you staring at?' 'I dont give a damn'  looks, so I found it hard to actually talk to her. It was when we were practising a song for concert " True Love " , that I got to actually know her and start talking to her. Guess what? I really like her, as much as I would if I had a sister, so I actually call her "JIE JIE". She's the only girl in aca whom I was really close with, I talk to her about my relationship problems, all sorts of rubbish and I'll consult her whenever I'm feeling down. I'm really lucky to have known her and I hope I'll get even closer to her as time passes. I love you, jia xuan <3 ( p.s I'm no lesbian )

Shaun, a really caring and sweet senior. I've learnt a lot from him, in terms of singing, my problems and yah.. just so so so much. He's always there for, okay not say always but most of the time. I've came to know that he's actually someone who needs love from someone like how I do. Shaun, do not fret, I'll always give you these love if nobody does that, you'll always have me! :) Not to forget, I LOVE YOU <3

Liye, ah I guess I really tell him like EVERYTHING about me. He always say that I'm blur and I should at least show some concern for my surrounding. I know i know, I just.. you know :/ I really really have too much to for him, but i think I'll sum up by saying, Thanks for always being there for me, cheering me up, being my support, I'm really grateful to know you, sarangehe :)

Amanda, I feel bad to say this, I feel that I'm actually not really close to her. She's always busy with her stuffs and I rarely could spend time with her. AH, but recently I realise that she likes Andrew Garfield! That's a step closer to her i guess!

Jun Hong, amazing beatboxer and amazing friend. He's really friendly to people and I find him really cute. We should talk more alright ? :)

Jeremy, my brother-in-law , is that how u address? Haha, he's actually my senior from my secondary school, Bedok Green Secondary School. Friendly, Polite, Good-tampered. A REALLY GOOD BF FOR MY JIA XUAN.

Note: Jeremy and Jia Xuan got together for quite sometime already, I'm actually very happy for them two and I hope they'll last long together 'cause they really look so cute together!! 

I guess, I'll wrap up and say that, I love NP , I love my friends and I'm really blessed.